Everything Again
by Myrddin Emrys
Summary: HBP SPOILERS! She spots Snape at the edge of the forest and confronts him.


AN: I actually liked HBP. My only regret is that Snape was actually a Death Eater. I really wanted him to have a good side. I don't know if this fic makes him look better or worse. I just felt compelled to write it. I could expand this into a true fiction if it is any good.

Everything Again

No one saw me at the funeral. I made sure of that. It was not necessary, seeing that no one there knew I existed. Or if they did, we have never met. In fact the two people who would recognize me were conspicuously absent. Albus Dumbledore was dead and Severus Snape was a traitor.

I was standing not too far from the edge of the lake. The merpeople came to say their farewell. The centaurs made an appearance. I thought that Albus would appreciate that gesture more than the presence of a delegation of ministry officials.

Was that Dolores Umbridge? What in the hell did she think she was doing here, after the fiasco of a teaching job she pulled last year? I was not the only one glaring at her. I saw a teenager that could only be Harry Potter doing likewise.

With out warning the crowd began to scream. The body and the table started to glow with flames and I could swear I saw a howling wolf in the flames. And a bumblebee. It was just like Albus to leave such a surprise. A white marble tomb now replaced the table and body. Everyone took that as a sign to leave-human, merpeople, and centaur. Harry Potter did. He was walking straight at me. I nimbly stepped aside and heard the Minister, that creepy what's-his-name, call for Harry.

I made my way slowly to the front and to the tomb. Several people were speaking around it, but I wanted to say my last goodbye to the man who saved my life in the last war. The man I owe everything to. I gently touch the cool marble and wish I could have said everything before. Gently, I reached into my robes and pulled out a handful of a sparkly gold powder. I slowly let the powder drop onto the ground. It sunk into the soil, leaving no trace. I smiled. Before tomorrow morning the whole area around the tomb would be filled with flowers.

I turned around to walk away, when I heard McGonagall saying, "And I do not know who I will get to teach Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts. The governors are going to want answers."

I walked away as quickly as possible. There were probably more conversations like that going on around the lawn. I just did not want to hear them.

I saw Harry now with two students his age. They were speaking softly. No doubt planning something, I thought with a smile. Their exploits were known throughout the wizarding world. Well, most of them anyway.

I turned toward the gate to make my way home, when I noticed a figure lurking in the trees. As I crept closer, I recognized him. It was Severus Snape, murderer of the man laid to rest today.

Suddenly furious, I picked up speed. I wanted to kill him, like he killed Albus. Mid-stride, I stopped, remembering a promise I made to Albus: I swore I would never hurt or kill him. And that I'd… I'd… I cannot tell Severus that now, I thought angrily. After he betrayed and killed Albus. I cannot. Surely Albus would not want me to tell him, or, understand if I do not.

But I swore, the most noble part of my mind insisted. I knew instinctively that Albus would want me to say it, no matter the situation.

I stumbled and nearly fell. I would have fallen if not for a sudden grip on my arm.

"Kara Gustuvus," a deep voice said. Severus Snape led me back to his hiding place among the trees. I lost control of my glamour spell. I reappeared in front of him. "To what do I owe this… pleasure." His normally silky smooth voice just sounded dead. I shivered and hastily withdrew myself from his grasp.

"You killed him," was the only words I could force out of my mouth.

"Yes."

"Why? In God's name, why?" I said, my voice shaking and the words clouded by the tears starting to build.

"He was in the way."

"In the way?" I struggled to repeat those horrible words. "You killed him, Severus Snape. You killed Albus Dumbledore. He gave you a second chance, he gave you a place to stay, he saved you and you killed him!"

"Saved me? From Azkaban, yes. But do you think I would survive this war loyal to him? When your champion is a spoiled child? Do you think he would last against the greatest wizard to ever exist?"

"So it was self-preservation. That is what I thought. You were always a little to eager to get out of taking risks. As for Harry, I have never met him, but I would rather stand behind him, spoiled child or not, than consider Voldemort to be that greatest wizard to ever exist."

"You still insist that Dumbledore is the greatest. He's dead, Kara. Dead. I was able to kill him. He obviously was not powerful enough to survive death."

"No, but is that greatness, Severus, when Harry Potter, the spoiled child, was able to survive death?"

With three steps, Severus Snape closed the distance between us and his hand clutched at my throat. With a force I did not know he had, a force that sent wave of pain radiate throughout my body, he slammed me against a tree.

"Don't you dare compare that brat to the Dark Lord!"

I force words out, "Kill me, Severus. I dare you."

For a second I thought he was going to do it. I was idly thinking that this was not what I had planned to do today. And I still hadn't told him what I promised Albus I'd say.

Suddenly he roughly threw me aside. I landed on the gnarled roots of a nearby tree. He turned to stalk off.

"Wait!" I yelled hoarsely, "Albus wanted me to tell you something if he died before he could tell you."

Severus froze. His back was ramrod straight.

"He wanted me to tell you that he forgives you for joining Voldemort—you know during the first war. And that the answer to your question is 'always.' I assume you know what that means."

"Obviously," he whispered.

"And here is what I want to tell you: go to hell, you lying, spineless bastard." I got to my feet shakily and started walking toward the edge of the forest, away from Snape.

"Stop," he said.

I turned to look at him. He was still facing away.

"I once loved you," he said, posture slumping and words fierce. "But you turned traitor, too."

"I know."

"Why did you change sides?" he asked.

"I would rather die than serve Voldemort. I hated who I had become. I am no murderer, no matter who is with me." I said, unwillingly remembering the atrocities I had seen during the brief months I served the Dark Lord.

"Even Lucius?" he asked bitterly.

"Of course. Do you still insist I am in love with Lucius Malfoy? Trust me I am not, nor have I ever been. It has always been—someone else."

He whirled around asking, "Who?"

"Severus, are you blind? It was always you. Every day." He took a step forward. I took a step back. "But now… after everything, I do not know what I saw in you. You killed that only man I cared about. You have lied to me and betrayed me. I cannot love you anymore."

He looked at me. "I regret not being able to do everything again. There are many things I would change."

I nodded. He turned and walked deeper into the forest, and I, with a force of will recast my glamour and walked out of the forest.


End file.
